UGH -right now still stuffed from chinese food gluttony. I have been doing well and went to gym yesterday-was 182.3.. Went out last night and had total vegg day today and atelike crap. My sis in law is visiting so that usually means I overeat just from being out of routine.Well see how it goes..Been working out tues thurs sat so still doing 3 days .Was working w census again but that seems to have ended again but one last phase left hopeing to get a call back-Ed still not working so things tuff here..Trying not to let stress take over and eat from that..Been hanging tuff and still just struggling with weekends.Cant get to gym tomm but maybe tues –rough week ahead could easily put on 6 or 7 as I am up couple at least already from today…bleech……tomm is a new day right?

So I feel like I havent been here in a long time..I need to come back and reread my own site to remotivate myself now and again. I have been struggling with the eating(so what else is new).I was 181 before July 4th weekend and I got back on track that Monday-got on scale that wed.and was 187..I didnt think I was THAT bad to warrant that and as of tues I am 188..So most of my size 10’s not fitting now so I have been trying but late afternoon/evenings been derailing me. I am back to working with the census at least for a cople of weeks but can end any time.Ed still not working so is stressfull and Im feeling it which makes me eat. So still getting to gym as much as I can but eating is really hard.Summer is always harder for me and at least last wekend was uneventfull but dad in law treated to chinese that I was craving-about now bbq starts getting played so needed a change.So just wanted to check in and will do my best to stay the course

Once again I have been remiss in my blogs but some of it may have to do with my horrible eatng the week before last.I was doing So well and had gotton to 179.Then I went to  a baby shower and ate poorly and just let the week get by.Still stressfull here with Ed still not finding a job and my census job ended Friday.So I had a bd week and even didnt make it to the gym which for me is bad.I usually still do my workouts even if eating not so great.Allie sprained her ankle and was home from school and I was going to make brownies for “her”.I turned on the TV and my DR OZ episode was repeating.That was th ekick in the ass I needed to get back on track and I threw the brownie mix away and have been back on track for the past week. I know I did some damage but hav enot had the courage for the scale yet. I just see and feel in my clothes I am probably uper 180’s and prob did go over 190 but whatver the damage is done and Im doing the right thing now.Even went to TWO bbqs this weekend and I was very proud of how I ate as I did very well..Did not touch the desserts at all as sometimes that “just one” leads to dessert binge.SO I feel like I am back to my old summer routine as my job has ended and Im the entertainment but only now Ed is not working so most of the entertainment will be play dates and mommy.Lets hope Ed finds somehting soon!

So Ive been doing well and eating properly but even though calender wise it seemed too early I can tell I am PMSIng..Ive been snacking more and doesnt seem to satisfy..I feel hungry and the tolereance level for my kids whining goes way way down and my voice goes way up.I was at a kiddie party today and ddid great..I had half a slice of granma pizza and didnt have any desserts..They had costco choc chip cookies which are one of the greatest creations on earth IMHO…They had homemade brownies and donuts..I didnt even want to have one as I knew it would just be the start of  a binge..So I felt good but when I got home I felt like I was picking..So why do I tempt fate and decide to take my kids to Mcds as Ed was out tonight..I ate a soy burrito before we went as that would be my dinner.But I started picking at thier food and had the rest of Ty ice cream,then we cant leave without the three cookies for a dollar..Uusually they will split the third but mommy ate it this time..So I dont feel that great and have a baby shower tommorw..I hate going into a soical situation when I already feel  alittle wishy washy with willpower..I am already stressing over next weekend which could be bad bad as I have soemthing starting Fri nite,sat and sunday is Fathers day on top of mom in law visting–so will be rough weekend..So tryng to hang in there-I am working out hard but starting to struggle with the food-but thats my MO..

Ok so still have been sticking to my mon wed fri gym routine even with the working thing kicked in.I just get up extra early and Ed does morning routine with kids and then I start work usually round 11. Ive been doing Ok with the eating but have been working alot so thats a good thing keeping me out of the kitchen.I do feel like a little PMS coming on and stress of Ed still not working and knowing my job is a TEMP thing weighs on my mind..But so far has not sent me to overeating as Im just really trying hard to stay on track..I am at 180.4 so almost under 180AGAIN..I do have a shower on Sunday so that is my big weekend temptation so if I hang tight I might be able to get under 180..Ive been packing my snacks and lunch and is a savior not just for calories but for the budget too..MY only $$ indulgence(if we can call it that) is an ice coffee or reg coffee..So being I bring lunch $2 a day is reasonable..I saw another mom today who knew me from an old moms group-even beofre Tyler when Allie was little..So I was about 100 pounds heavier last time she saw me so it took a minute for her to place me..Thats always a nice feeling when you get a wow reaction from someone who hasnt seen you in forever..I am really starting to feel no matter much Im in the gym I wont get under 170 without surgery..Lately I cant get under 180 but I think I could eekk out another 10..But w/o a tummy tuck body lift or something I dont know how much more I could get.BUt anyway I am grateful every day that I am healthy and feel great and have a healthy family to go with it.So I know Ive said it before if these last 10 or 20 pounds is my worst problem I aint got it so bad I know..I am really enjoying this census gig and will be sad when it ends.Its been an unexpected experience that as a stay at home mom I was not even looking for but took the test on a wim…So I do believe things happen for a reason and it was meant that I got this job when I did as Ed is still looking.He is getting frustrated which means hes a little cranky at times but I try to cut him some slack..Its a rough time for us but I know in my heart we will get through it OK..Anyway-still hanging in and doin my thing..Hoping to ee under 180 on Fridays gym scale!

At least we didnt have much going on this weekend so no bbqs to have to refrain from..Yesterday the kids went to a pool party in the afternoon but since myschedule had been off I did make Saturday agym day.. I worked my way back down to 182.4 which after 189 which  is not so bad in a short amount of time. At the pool party I didnt have any pizza and then they had the ice cream truck come and offered to the adults..once again..pass…They had a pinata and kids had goodie bags wwith not just crap hard candy but mini kit kats  and peatnut butter cups,my favorite–thankfully the chocolate was a big mush from the heat and wasnt too tempting..I told the kids to put it in the fridge and they did eat in a bit later..and I didnt have any! I knew if I had a slice of pizza I would have just kept going and had the ice cream man etc too then ravaged thier goodie bags,,SO Im glad I didnt even start to begin with.Ed wasnt home for dinner so Ijust had a bowl of kashi an called it dinner.I was picking later though as we are finally catching up with the dvr and are working out way to LOST finale and greys finale.I had ptrezels,100 cal popcorn and only half bag popped so I made another one but still ate the first half..Today also I didnt eat BAD but feel like Im picking too much..Which usually means mr friend is coming due but it seems a little early–but I was a little snappy withthe kids so who knows..Just woke up hungry and never really felt satieted today.We went to a street fair and didnt eat a thing  there which was good.I ate a turkey sandwich b4 we left as not to go there hungry.So Ed is still looking for work and I am still with census which has worked out well…I have been putting in 40 hours and have still been able to make my schedule to get in gym time..I have been getting up early before kids get up and going in.Ed will do morning rouitne and Im home by like 9.30 which leaves me some time to get dressed and eat before I start at 11..The working out isnt the hard part for me as u know its the eating..Especailly this time of year where every weekend is something..But anyway-Im hanging in still fighting to get under 180-AGAIN!!! aarrggg!!!!

Oh boy…IS it humanly possible to do what I did? 10 lbs gained in 3 days..I went to gym Friday and finally got under 180 and was like 179.4..Yeah!! Well after the past three days I am 189..I know a few will come off as water weight but come on 10 lbs in 3 days..I go from feeling svelt to feeling like a bog bloat with fat pants on in 3 short days.I drank a ton of water today and tried to eat very light but then by dinner I am famished and had a turkey burger for dinner but an hour later was still hungry so had a bowl of Kashi as well..I know I should just go back to my normal routine instead of trying to overcompensate and eat real light as I just wind up hungry. Of course I am pissed at myself as I worked so hhard to get under 180 only to blow it but this is my MO.So here I am trying to get the scal back to where it was just a few short days ago once  again..This is why I have only been able to maintain ratehr than really get off the last 20 or so..But w/o surgery I dont really know how much more I can go down as alot of it is just extra ugly skin…But whatever..tommorw is another day.

UGH once again the kick off summer weekend has me eating way too much.No matter how much I tell myself I wont I do.I FINALLY got under 180 when I went to the gym on Firday–I was 179.4 which I am sure is long gone by now as I sit here Monday night after 3 days of overdoing it.. I went to my parents on Saturday and did well with portions on eggplant parm and baked ziti if you can believe it.I had no bread and stopped after one plate of food. Then came a carvel ice cream cake for my sis birthday. I had one pice and just should have thrown my plate away. But no I stayed in the kitchen and kept picking at it..and picking  and between me and my sis we picked unitl there was no more..So felt totally bloated after way too much. Then Sunday I was OK for morning and went to beack with family and a freind and her kids..went back to thier house for bbq and started eating chips and just way too much as far as hamburgers,dogs etc..then BJ’s choc chip cookies for dessert.Then today was another bbq and since it was day three I just are what I wanted knowing tommorw I will be back in gym and back to the plan. So feel so bloated and could have taken a nap today..I know I had busy day yesterday and beach always wears me but I know it was the food just making me sluggish. So I was so happy Friday and feeling svelt and now 3 days later feeling just the opposite.Next weekend looks pretty calm for now so hoping to get back to swing tommorw and not blow up next weekend again. Ed is still not working so we havent ordered take out or eaten out on weekends like in the past so thats kind of a good thing to come of his unemployment..I am still working temp job with census and am enjoying it.ANd besdies the weekends it is easier to keep from poor eating as I am not home as much and mind is occupied with different things. Cant belive summer is almost here.Time is just going way too fast..Now if only hubbs can get a good job ..or hit the mega would be nice

OMG I feel like total CRAP…The bbq I had yesterday the will power went bust.. I actally started out great and there were some nice healthy options.. I had a big salad with grilled veggies and shrimp…That held me and i wasnt eating chips etc…About an hour an hlaf later I had more salad a piece of chicken..Still good…then the cake came out and I had samll piece as the icicng was frozen and cake was crumbling so wasnt even that enjoyable so left it…Now had I just stopped there for the evening I would have been so proud of myself and called it a day..But as usual its the late in the day eating that gets me..I was helping clean and I ate a little piece of cake that now tasted good as it was room temp and tasted the way it should..SO I kept picking and picking…Then started eating veggie straws(from Costco they are so good)and pretty much went downhill from there..Had a chocoalte bar that was from the school being sold,ate couple munchkins and I know if the grill came back on I could have gone for a burger at this point..So today as usual I feel like total shit and my stomach is letting me know as it feels like a rock..If I dont eat today I really dont think it would concern me..So no under 180 this week for me..But today I will keep it light as not much going on and tommorw back to gym and routine..One day of gluttoney will not make me snowball to more than one social event as I know how far I have come..

Been still trying to get under 180..I feel like I work SO freaking hard just to MAINTAIN not even lose..When I say besides the weekends I am hitting the gym and have started running the track,eating properly-although I havent kept my journal in a long time ..I am doing the right thing..and yes I feel good and my clothes fit properlyy even though over 180 I feel like I should be able to lose still..Its the freaking weekends that make me maintain I know..Especailly with the summer coming the weekends are tough..Even like Friday afternoons feel different..Its like I can feel myself wanting to snack..Like my brain switches into weekend mode as much as I try to stay the course..I am at 182 today and witht he end of my freind visiting I may be able to get under 180 if I kept things in check..BUT big BUT I have a bbq tommorw and have to really really try to be good..Sometimes I go and dont really even try but I want to not go crazy as I could actaully lose with my period gone..Or sometimes I exercise good portions but overdue on the desserts..I am hoping since it is a b-day bbq that there will ony be cake and not everyone bringing a zillion desserts..I have been getting up by 7 and hitting the gym early and Ed has been getting kids ready for school and such..The other night I didnt get home till close to 8 so being I didnt see them in the am it felt bad only seeing them such a short time before bed..(Until I had to ask 3 times to go brush teeth!) But i know this is a temp job and with ed not working I gotta do what I gotta do so to speak..I really think the stay at home mom is becoming a dinosaur. It is becoming more and more difficult to survive on LI and be with my kids. I really feel I am going to have to figure some sort of childcare out for the fall as much as it would kill me to do so. I am enjoying working now but I know the hecticness of working and house is temporaary so its not so bad. To work full time and only have your weekends for errands and family things and too relax is not soemthing I would look forward to..But yes I know it is how most people live,just if given an option not one I want.. I want to go my kids school for special events or play outside on the nice days..I think my son will feel the change more when Ed goes back to work as he has been spending alot of time togther..But the working has been good for my  eating so cant complain about that..and it has felt good to be in a different position other than mom and to have adults come to me for answers again..I miss my TV though! last night was the first night in weeks we sat downstairs togetehr..We are so behind on our dvr its not funny..So we watch the Survivor finale and I was out cold by the final 3..Unless I am on teh computer I fall asleep if just watching TV..Anyway-I will do my best to be good at tommorw bbq..I would like to get under 180 by the time summer really kicks in..This time last year was my lowest ever at 168 for like a week then kinda maintained a around 175 until end of year..Was 178 for Dr.Oz in Dec.then holidays etc and been battling ever since to get under 180… I know I know–I am healthy(and still look alright in my jeans..lol)so dont complain!!